Back on the Beach

I've been visiting family in Long Beach for a few days to get a fresh perspective on myself and the coming year of 2009. I love walking on the beach here. It's so peaceful and the air is so charged with life energy. I get to think in the same place, surrounded by the same sounds and smells that I grew up with. Very few places have that quality of consistency over a lifetime. I'm feeling hopeful that I will find an equilibrium this year, bridging the crashing tides of expectations that have ebbed and flowed through me over my lifetime.

I have a short list of goals: construct and plant a vegetable garden, organize my home better and spend time with a few women friends. For now, I won't plan on finding a job or hate myself if I don't lose a certain number of pounds. If I wind up being successful at those things too, then hooray. But I need to nourish my spirit more than pad my wallet or reduce my clothing size. I want to love myself. I need to accept myself and see the choices I've made as clearly as possible, so I can move forward with my whole self. It's such a waste of energy to hate myself. We only have a finite number of years and a limited amount of energy. I doubt that anyone wants to have me compare myself to them or spend my time feeling sorry for myself. So for 2009, my plan is to spend a bit of time every day -- inside my house clearing out the clutter and outside my house cultivating a garden and some friendships.