The newspapers say California's in the worst drought - EVER, our national economy is in the worst shape since WW2, and it's going to get worse. Yet, today, we have a new competent president in the White House, it's beautiful outside, we've had enough rain to make the plants happy and clear the air. I've got bread rising in the kitchen, my son is enjoying himself in Texas, visiting old friends from Camp, and I'll be singing tonight with the choir for the annual Brotherhood Shabbat service.
This week I've been letting myself feel a wide range of emotions without labeling myself as a good or bad person in the process. If I'm acting grumbly and grumpy, okay. If I'm thinking happy thoughts, I allow a smile. If I feel angry, I allow a frown. If I feel attracted to a hot-looking guy less than half my age, I enjoy the moment. After all, if I'm going to learn to love myself, I need to let myself out of the box. I've been steadily cutting back on anti-depressant meds, so lots of long-repressed feelings are cropping up. One thing's certain: when I'm tired, some emotions are overwhelming. Twice now this week, I've had new disruptive ideas and "realizations" about my life's direction that just evaporated after waking up from a restful nap. I think this is what teenagers go through every day. Since I'm a grown-up, the drama will just have to play out in my head and not for real.
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